" It should have been like this last Sunday. . . . " I said. I was cleaning out the camel house, not I must say, one of my favorite jobs. It's not the cleaning I mind it's the camels they never listen to me when I talk to them, they never even pretend to listen. It was one of those warm sunny days, like what grandpa used to talk about, when the whole world seems beautiful.

" But no. " I said to the camel, who had decided to chew my hat. " It rained didn't it and playing tennis in the rain isn't what it's cracked up to be. ^" The camel wasn't interested.

Armadillo listen, even when they're not interested the. y listen, they even listen when you're not talking. I rather like Armadillo.

I had spent most of the morning trying to find Joe because Mr Pepperday, our boss, wanted to see us both in his office. I had the feeling Joe was avoiding me. I decided to wander around the zoo looking official and search for Joe.

I found Joe feeding the seals, he had got his brown trousers on again, the ones that didn't match the uniform. He tossed the last fish to the seals, big Umbo did a backward somersault caught the fish and then splashed into the water.

Joe picked up his bucket and closed the gate.

" Come on. " I shouted. " Mr Pepperday wants us. "

" I know I've been avoiding you all morning. " said Joe. " What do you think he wants us for."

We marched along the central avenue passed George and Cuddly the elephants, they were begging for buns again. There used to be a sign saying ' do not feed the elephants' but no one took any notice of it, so we did one up facing the elephants saying ' do not beg for buns from members of the public'. It had just as much affect.

" Mr Pepperdays expedition. " said Joe.

" Yes. " I said.

" Do you think he really intends going. " said Joe.

" You know Mr Pepperday. " I said.

" I do know Mr Pepperday. " said Joe. " which is why I don't think he can be serious. "

We passed a sign pointing . ' To The I-lead Keepers Offi . . . . . .

It should have read To The Head Keepers Office, but the 'ce' had been scratched out by a very large gorilla who had got bored while waiting to he recaptured.

" He's not been the same since he read that book about Darwin's voyage of discovery. " I said.

" I remember that. " said Joe. " That was over a year ago.

" He went all sad realising that he had never done anything the least bit exciting. " I said.

" He's left it a bit late in life hasn't he. " said Joe.

" Don't be so hard. " I said.

" Well. " said Joe.

I just hope he forgets all about it before It goes too far. " I said. As we had seldom been to the main office building we didn't know which was Mr Pepperdays office. We stood pondering in front of the first door we came to.

" Go on then. " said Joe. " Knock. "

I knocked.

" It's very quiet. " said Joe and he knocked only harder. We then both knocked together.

" You know what. " I said.

" What. " said Joe.

" It's the wrong door. " I said. Joe opened the door, two dustbins and a sack smiled at us.

" You're right. " said Joe. '1 I don't think any of them is Mr Pepperday. "

We found the right door and knocked.

" Come in. " shouted Mr Pepperday from inside. We went in, he smiled at us. Crocodiles smile like that I thought.

" Sit down. " said Mr Pepperday. That was a bad sign, it meant that it was going to be a long session. I picked a chair near the door and Joe sat near the aspidistra plant.

There was a long silence before Mr Pepperday finally said something. It would have been longer, I think, had Joe not found a fish in his pocket.

" You both know of the expedition I am trying to form to collect animals for the zoo. " said Mr Pepperday.

" Yes. " I said. Joe couldn't find anywhere to put the fish.

" And of the advertisement I put out for volunteers to join the expedition. " continued Mr Pepperday.

" Good publicity for the zoo that. " I said.

" That was the general idea. " said Mr Pepperday. " The response has been enormous, everybody wants to come. "

" Great. " I said. " Bound to get some good people to go with you. "

I started to get up to go. Joe was already half way to the door.

" However. " said Mr Pepperday, in a tone which meant sit down and listen. We sat down again as Mr Pepperday slowly got round to the point of our meeting. Joe put the fish back in his pocket.

" Not everybody is suitable. " said Mr Pepperday. He looked at us. The applications have fallen a little short of my hopes. " Mr Pepperday paused. " They're a hopeless lot really. Probably the

best is a pig breeder from Wales who says he could do with a change. "

Mr Pepperday picked up a few forms.

" There's a lady in Hartfordshire who says she can do anything with horses. " he flipped a form over.

" A lad of six who's mother won't let him have a pet. " Mr Pepperday looked at us.

I looked at Joe. Joe looked at the ceiling. We knew what was coming.

" Looking through all these applications. " said Mr Pepperday. " I don't seem to be able to find yours. " he put the forms back on the mound of papers on his desk and pushed it all to one side.

" It's my leg again. " said Joe and looked at the fireplace. My girlfriend wouldn't. . . . " I started but was interrupted by Mr Pepperday.

" Anyone who wants to continue working here of course. " he said.

" Lost in the post. " I said quickly.

" Mine too. " said Joe. " Same mail bag as his. "

I thought that's probably what happened. " said Mr Pepperday. " So you'll both be glad to know that you've both been accepted and we sail in a week. "

I looked at Joe and Joe looked at me.

" I have this strange sort of feeling. " said Joe.

" It's the fish in your pocket. " I said.

" That we've been volunteered for something. " said Joe.

" He doesn't mean it. " I said.

Mr Pepperday got up and went over to a filling cabinet marked other animals, he took out three glasses and a bottle of whisky. He gave us each a glass and poured us a drink.

" I think he means It. " said Joe.

Our surprise at being offered a drink by Mr Pepperday was so great that we forgot to protest about not wanting to go.

" Lets drink to the expedition. " said Mr Pepperday.

We drank to the expedition. In fact we continued drinking untill the bottle was empty.

Joe fell in the penguin pool.

I still say I was pushed.

What I find most surprising is that one can spend almost an entire week looking for an old sun hat which you can distinctly remember putting away under the bed.

" I must go down to the sea again to the tall tall ships and the sky. " recited Joe half remembering a famous poem as we carried our bags down to the harbor.

The Beagle Pup was not so much a tall ship as a tatty trawler. "The only possible reason for Mr Pepperday choosing this boat is the name. " said Joe.

As Mr Pepperday was in his cabin being sea sick we put our bags in our cabin and went up on deck.

" Why is Mr Pepperday being so sick. " said Joe.

" Its something to do with the ear and balance. " I said trying to appear knowledgeable and remembering what I had read on the packet of sea sick pills I had in my pocket.

" I know that. " said Joe " I read that on the packet of sea sick pills you've got in your pocket . "I mean why is Mr Pepperday so sick, after all we're still in dry dock. "

We both leaned over the rail and looked down to the concrete at the bottom of the dock. There were some workmen doing things to the boat. " What are they doing. " said Joe.

" I don't know, I think they're putting the propeller back on. " I said. " There's an awful lot of them. " said Joe.

" It's trades. " I said.

" Trades. " said Joe.

" The ones doing the lifting. " I said. " can't do the turning, the ones doing the turning can't hold the spanners, the ones holding the spanners can't do the greasing. "

We watched fascinated and reassured that our little boat was in such good hands. Technical phrases drifted up from the general noise at the bottom of the dock. . . . . . . fourth time this year its fell off. . . . . . . . left hand thread on shaft. . . . . . . dickey rudder . . . I wouldn't. . . . all the tea in china.

I went to bed in my new bunk that night wondering about all that tea in china.

Early the following morning we were woken by the sound of rushing water. I went up on deck to watch things as the dock began to fill with water and our little ship began to float. The gates of the dock opened and we chugged out onto the river. Mr Pepperday began to feel sea sick properly now. Joe dug out his old fishing rod and began fishing from the beck end of the boat. I went and stood at the sharp end to breathe in the bracing wind and fresh air that was drifting across the estuary from the cokeing ovens on the opposite shore.

I was still standing at the sharp end looking across the waves when Captain Brooks wandered up.

" Seen anything yet. " he said.

" No. " I said. " Why. "

" No reason. " said the Captain. " Just let me know if you do. Land other ships that sort of thing. " He looked out at the horizon. " You cant see much from the bridge of this old tub. " he said. We both looked round at the gray sea.

" The sea is big isn't it. " said Captain Brooks.

" I don't know. " I said. " I haven't seen much of it. "

" I have. " said the Captain. " Lots, it all looks the same. "

"Surely some bits are blue. " I said.

" O the color changes but it's still wet and bumpy. " said the Captain.

" I like a few words of encouragement at the beginning of a long voyage. " I said.

" I won't be very long if some one doesn't tell me where I'm going. " said the Captain. " Do you know where we're going. " he said.

" Don't you. " I said a bit surprised.

" Well Mr Pepperdays been sick ever since he came aboard. " said the Captain. " and I've not been able to get any sense out of him. "

" I thought we'd be going to South America or somewhere like that. " I said.

" South America. " said the Captain. " That's on the right as you go down the Atlantic isn't it. "

" I think so. " I said.

" Hmmmmmmm. . . " said the Captain wandering off. " On the right. " He disappeared into the bridge.

I hope he knows left from right I said to myself as I continued looking out across the sea.

There again I thought if we end up in Africa there are still lots of animals.

I got a cup of cocoa from the galley and wandered up to the back end of the boat where Joe was still fishing.

"Caught anything yet. " I said.

" No. " said Joe. " I don't think there can be any fish in this bit of sea. " He started reeling in his line.

" We'll be going into the big bit between here and America soon. " I said. " There should be some fish there. "

Joe had most of his line in when something bit.

Slowly Joe began to pull it in, his rod began to arch downward. It's big. " said Joe.

As Joe pulled it began to break surface.

" My god. " I said. " It's a submarine. "

A periscope poked its head out of the water. Joe's fishing line was well and truly wrapped all round it.

Its beady eye looked at us.

We looked at it.

" What should we do now. " said Joe.

" Throw it back. " I shouted.

" Why. " said Joe. " It's the biggest thing I've ever caught. "

" But it's not ours. " I said.

" You mean it's one of theirs. . . . " said Joe. " How can you tell.

" Stop it. " I said as Joe continued winding in. " It might torpedo us or something. "

Joe carried on. winding.

It did strike me as a bit odd that the submarine didn't put up any sort of struggle. It was also a bit odd that Joe's fishing rod didn't break under the strain, after all the average submarine must be a bit heavier than the average cod.

" It's coming. " said Joe as he lifted it out of the water.

" 0 that's a bit disappointing. " I said. It wasn't a whole submarine just the end of a periscope that must have been laying on the bottom of the sea since the end of the last war. Joe hauled it on board. " Best thing you've ever caught. " I said.

" New bait. " said Joe.