From the book -
The Cherry Pickers
Homepage Story Index Go to page > 1 2 3 4 5 6
CHAPTER TWELVE

Bix and the Jazz Man

You could always tell when Joe was in a panic, he had this rather peculiar way of running with arms and legs flying out in all directions. It made him look rather like an over excited puppet. This was why when I saw him running down the path towards me, I knew something major must have gone wrong. His arms and legs were signalling to any one who had studied the code, major panic attack, alert grade one, hold the front page, it was not my fault.

Joe shouted as he came within hearing distance of me, its happened again. I turned to Nosey with a sigh, what on earth has gone wrong now I said to him.

Me and Joe were helping out in Mr Pepperdays zoo, which is more of a rescue centre and retirement home for maladjusted animals than a zoo. It is run entirely by a band of dedicated hard working volunteers, like me and Joe. Perhaps that is not quite the true, nearer the truth I should say it is run by an odd assortment of people who have met Mr Pepperday. The word volunteer does not come into it, no one quite knows how they get pressed into service, not even I think Mr Pepperday.

The place started with an injured goat and two hedgehogs, before long people were bring animals from all over and it was a zoo in all but name, it was full of all kinds of strange animals.

Zoo service is a common phenomenon in the town, most people seem to have done something there at some time or other. It is a slow process, by some chance you get introduced to Mr Pepperday or even bump into him in a local bar. A couple of days later you find yourself doing some small job up at the zoo. Gradually this becomes a regular job, then the downhill slide begins, you find yourself becoming fond of one of the animals. Suddenly you start to get rather particular about who looks after ' your ' animal, without anything being said you are its unofficial keeper.

It was a quick half in the Dog and Trumpet that somehow started the chain of events that led to my present position, ground level sanitation cleansing in the Lama pen. At that moment I was shovelling it into a wheel barrow ready to take to the allotments.

As with the other animals the Lama was a rescue case, it had been found wondering the roads by the police. It had obviously been mistreated and was in a bad state, it had burns and twisted back leg that had been broken and not been set properly. It was very frightened of people, but over the weeks I had been looking after it, it slowly got used to me and sometimes came over to me and nuzzled me with it nose, hence I called him Nosey. Today Nosey was not so sure about me and was eyeing me from the far corner of the cage, he had probably had a bad dream.

I was telling Nosey about my night out with Judy, I like telling Nosey my intimate thoughts because he never repeats it to anyone. I was just saying how exasperating Judy can be sometimes when we heard this shout, me and Nosey both looked up and saw Joe windmilling down the path towards us.

" You've got to come." shouted Joe panting and out of breath as he reached the gate of the Lama inclosure.

" What's up now? " I asked.

" It's Cuddly." panted Joe.

" Not again." I said.

" Come on." said Joe.

I put my shovel in the wheelbarrow and pushed it to the gate of the Lama pen. As I tried to shut the gate Nosey came limping across the pen as fast as he could. Nosey ignoring me when I was in his pen was one thing, me leaving without patting or giving him any food was quite another.

" I'm sorry I haven't got anything for you today." I said, as Nosey pushed his nuzzle against my arm and tried to get to the pocket where I usually had a carrot.

" Here give him this." said Joe producing a banana from his anorak.

" Won't you be needing that." I said.

" I've got another." said Joe producing another banana.

" It's your lucky day." I said pealing the banana and giving it to Nosey, he ate with obvious relish.

I pushed the wheelbarrow up the path following Joe to Cuddlys cage. As we approached the cage I ask what had happened. Joe was bringing Cuddlys food in but before putting any of it out Joe decided to sweep up the remnants of yesterdays food, while Joe was doing this he was telling Cuddly about a wild life programme on television about badgers. Its a general thing this keepers talking to their animals. I told Joe I had missed the beginning of that programme. This however was not relevant to Joes story so he continued.

Joe thought Cuddly was hiding in the pile straw in the corner, Joe pointed to a heap of straw that did look as if there was a big furry animal curled up in it. However as Joe demonstrated, when he went over to prod him to get him up, it turns out it was only his old blanket.

I ask Joe if he had looked around the rest of the cage, be was a big cage with several rooms, we went into the cage. Joe thought he must have sneaked out through the open gate while he was clearing up the mess. Joe bet Cuddly had made the mess deliberately. He was not hiding in the rafters again I suggested as we moved into the sleeping area of his cage. Cuddlys sleeping area was an old store house where the previous tenants of the building had kept flags. It was extremely high with exposed timbers up in the roof, sometimes Cuddly sat up there sulking and looking out of the roof window. Today however he was not there, this was serious.


page 2 Back to top

" Oh dear." I said. " This means another full scale Cuddly alert."

" Not yet." said Joe. " If Mr Pepperday finds out I've lost him again he'll take him away from me and you know how Cuddly likes me."

" Judging by the number of times he's escaped recently I'm beginning to suspect he's going off you." I said.

" I think something's upsetting him." said Joe.

" all right." I said." We'll look around for half an hour and if we've not found him by then we'll have to have a major alert."

" He can't have got far." said Joe.

" You look down towards the penguin pool and I'll swing up to the goats and meet you near the main gate." I said.

" You'll need one of these." said Joe producing another banana from his pocket."

" How many of these have you got." I said.

" Enough." said Joe producing another two and sticking one in each trouser pocket so that he looked like a cowboy. " He ain't gonia get away this time." Joe was just not taking this seriously. Joe turned and swaggered off like a gun slinging cowboy, a banana sticking out of each pocket. It was high noon, one lone zoo keeper against the big bad Cuddly.

It struck me as we parted that somehow Cuddly did not have enough of a menacing ring to it, if I ever get to tell this story I think we will have to choose another name for the Cuddly. I could not help thinking as Joe wondered off that if we did not find Cuddly it will be high noon for Joe, he would be lucky if he is allowed clean out the insect house, if any where at all. Cuddly was not an animal to loose.

How Cuddly had got his name I am not quite sure because if there is one thing in this world you can say about Cuddly, it is that he is definitely not cuddly. He is just far too big to cuddle, he stands a good six feet ten inches tall in bare feet, weighs about half a ton and is a strong as an ox. This might not be excessively large for black mountain gorilla but it is too large to be called Cuddly.

The unfortunate Mr Pepperday had a demonstration of the strength possessed by Cuddly one day when he went to clean out his cage, it was just a couple of weeks after Cuddly had arrived at the zoo. Just by chance Mr Pepperday had picked up an old red fire bucket to put the bits of leftover food and stuff from the cage. Now Cuddly for some reason seemed to take a liking to this red bucket and grabbed hold of it. Mr Pepperday tried to get the bucket away from Cuddly, first by bribery with a few biscuits, they by force, but Cuddly did not want to let go of the bucket, he hung on tightly with his huge fist. Mr Pepperday lost his temper and gave bucket an almighty kick, hurting his foot in the process and making the bucket rattle furiously in Cuddlys hand. For some reason this upset Cuddly more than if he had been hit over the head with the shovel. Cuddly let out high pitch scream and, still holding the bucket in one hand, picked up Mr Pepperday by the lapels of his uniform and threw him bodily two hundred yards out of the cage across the zoo right into the Peruvian ground hog inclosure. Luckily for Mr Pepperday he landed just where there happened to be a large pile of old straw just cleaned out of the hog pen. It was a good fifteen minutes after hearing the scream that we eventually found a smelly, dazed, but otherwise unhurt Mr Pepperday buried in the straw.

Cuddly did not try to escape that time, he was much too happy with his red bucket, which he still has, no one else has tried to take it away from him.

'Diddly dup' I called as I passed the parrots cage," Hello there." said one of the parrots, that is all the parrots ever learn to say in the zoo because the only thing the visitors say to them when they come up to the cage is " hello there.". The one exception to this is an old Macaw who lives on his own in the next cage, he had belonged to on old lighthouse keeper. That bird had a string a choice phrases. I am sure it did not know what it was saying but it some how had the knack of fitting phrases together to make it sound as if he knew what he was talking about. This probably came from the old keeper who must have chatted on at him all day.

" Blowing up again." said the Macaw.

" Rubbish." I replied. " Its looking beautiful."

" What you doing now." said the Macaw.

" Looking for Cuddly have you seen him." I said.

" The old bugger." said the Macaw.

I looked in all the places we had found Cuddly on previous occasions. The ice cream wagon, the tea rooms, the furniture store, near any red fire bucket. He was nowhere.

It was no good looking up in the trees or places where any normal gorilla would go because Cuddly was not a normal gorilla. He was more likely be making himself a cup of tea or doing some light dusting. You see Cuddly had never seen another gorilla in his entire life.


page 3 Back to top

Cuddly was another of Mr Pepperdays rescued animals. He had been found in the house of an old entertainer called David Hokerby, who had apparently died in his sleep. It was some a weeks before the old man was found, the gorilla was laying on the old mans bed almost starving to death. At first the people who found Hokerby thought Cuddly was a fur blanket on the bed, until it opened one eye and tried to move his head. Everyone thought the animal was in too bad a state to be saved so a vet was called to put the animal out of its misery.

Vet Brotto was a nice jolly fellow but hated this part of his work. He was reluctantly driving his car to the house where the gorilla had been found and was passing up through Smutting Square when he saw Mr Pepperday buying pie and chips at the local take away. He stopped his car and picked Mr Pepperday up telling him about the situation with the Gorilla. Mr Pepperday thought there might be a chance of saving the animal.

Arriving at the house the smell of the pie and chips in Mr Pepperdays raincoat pocket decidedly got the gorillas attention and so he managed to get the animal to have some water and then eat his pee and chips. They took the gorilla back to the zoo in Brottos van and slowly Cuddly got better. For some weeks however the Gorilla was still an extremely sick animal, yet no one could explain why this was, it was eating well and had nothing wrong with it, except that perhaps it missed the entertainer.

By talking to some of the entertainers acquaintances Mr Pepperday found out that Hokerby had reared the gorilla from a tiny baby after its mother, in a circus, had rejected it. Cuddly had been treated as if he was Hokerbys own son, the gorilla had cleaned cooked and gone entertaining with him so Cuddly did not know how to behave like an animal.

Having found this out about the gorilla Mr Pepperday went straight back to the zoo and took out the tree from Cuddlys cage and than replaced it with a table, chairs, a sideboard and give him dusters and polish. Cuddly cheered up instantly and has been relatively happy until quite recently. Now for some reason, Cuddly had started escaping, why he should suddenly start doing this we could not quite understand.

By the time I met up with Joe again at the main gate it was obvious that Joe had not had any more success in finding Cuddly than I had.

" He must be out of the zoo." I said.

" Looks like it." said Joe.

" We'd better go and tell Mr Pepperday." I said.

" Not yet." said Joe. " We've still go fifteen minutes left."

" That was inside the zoo." I said.

" You promised." said Joe. " Half an hour."

" If he's wandering round the town it's different." I said.

" Why." said Joe.

" How would you like to bump into a (make this eight) six foot gorilla in Woolworth's." I said.

" I never go in Woolworth's." said Joe.

" You know what I mean." I said.

" Ten minutes." said Joe. " He can't have got far."

" I'm going to regret this." I said.

We went through the main gates clutching our bananas. At quick jog we parted and went in opposite directions, Joe went left towards the wood yard, I went right towards the old antique centre. If he was in the wood yard we were fairly safe he could be rounded up peacefully, if he had got into the antique centre we were in trouble, he would not leave until he had polished everything in sight.

Halfway down towards Simpson Street I bumped into Sprag who was taking his dog for a walk, Sprag ask me what the hurry was noticing the rare sight of me running. Have you seen Joes gorilla I ask Sprag. That is no why to talk about Joes girl friend said Sprag. This was no joke I told Sprag it was Cuddly, I told him how I had given Joe ten minutes before we report it. Sprag ask if he could help, knowing Joe would be shot if he lost Cuddly again. I told Sprag to whip down Cover lane and across March Road and meet up at the Spoon and Potato in ten minutes.

Despite a good search in all the most likely and several unlikely places I could find no sign of Cuddly. I even kept an ear open for any high pitched scream as Cuddly crept up on someone's unsuspecting fire bucket, but there was nothing. By the time I arrived at the Spoon and Potato I was pretty much exhausted. Joe, Sprag and Nigel were all there, a few moments later Spotty and Arthur arrived, they had all been looking for Cuddly. Not a single sighting was the general report.

" That's it then." said Joe.

" Looks like it." I said.

" What next." said Arthur. " Police, army, helicopters, FBI, interpol."

" Almost." said Joe. " That's a big gorilla."

" You can't just loose a thing that size." said Nigel. " It's not as if it can hide in a corner or behind someone's dustbin is it."


page 4 Back to top

" You're talking about one smart gorilla." said Sprag. " It's probably having a three course dinner in the Savoy restaurant."

" No he's not I checked in there." said Arthur.

" Well have get back to the zoo and report it." I said. " Time to face the music."

" I can count on your full support." said Joe.

" Of course not." I said. " Its your gorilla.

" Lets have a quick half before we do." said Joe. " I need it I'm bushed I ran all the way round the wire works."

" I'm buying." said Nigel. " I think you're going to need some fortification before you face Mr Pepperday I just heard someone drove their lorry into his car."

" The old Morris." said Sprag.

" That's the one." said Nigel.

" I thought that car was immortal." said Sprag.

I think might have argued that we should not waste time drinking but after running half way round the town, not only was I in no condition to argue, I was probably in more need of a drink than Joe. We all went into the Spoon and Potato .Since there were no signs of panic, screaming or buildings being evacuated, at least where ever Cuddly was he was behaving himself.

One and a half pints of rather dubious beer later we were walking very slowly up Scrabble Lane towards the zoo. Joe was trying to phrase ' I've lost Cuddly ' in such a way that it did not sound as if it was his fault. At the top of Scrabble Lane where it joins Barracks Road there is an area of rather tatty specialist shops. The sort of places where you can actually buy a left hand sprocket screw for a toaster that has not been made for the past fifteen years. I like these shops but they are gradually being squeezed out of business by the curious modern philosophy that you are supposed to make money.

Among these shops is one that sells musical instruments, almost anything from pianos to alpine horns. As we turned the corner into Barracks Road we could hear the owner of this shop, Mr Lewis Probecker, playing some jazz on an old piano. Probecker had only recently taken over the shop and he loved playing jazz on the piano, on a quiet day you could hear him from the zoo. He would play every type of jazz from Scot Joplin to New Orleans, even quite trendy modern stuff.

As we passed the shop the Probecker was in full swing, sometimes we would stop and listen to him, but today we could not stop and trudged slowly towards the showdown with Mr Pepperday at the zoo.

We did notice as we passed the shop that today Probecker was not playing as well as he normally did, it was a bit rushed, a bit ragged not at all his usual excellent standard.

We were two shops down, passing the fishing tackle shop owned by a Mr Pike, when there was a very sudden break in the music. Then we heard something that made us both stop dead in our tracks. In the silence after the music we heard a loud voice almost screaming coming from the music shop. I was not the scream that stopped us, it was what was screamed

" Stop polishing the keys will you."

This was followed by the sound of someone running a duster up and down the keys of a piano. Me and Joe looked at each other. " Cuddly." we both said simultaneously.

Running back to the music shop, we pocked our heads round the open door of the shop. The shop was stacked with bits and pieces of musical instruments, boxes of music and over forty years worth of genuine musical dust. To the left side of the shop was a small clear area with an old piano backed up against the wall. Sitting at one end of a very long piano stool was Mr Probecker, he had started to play again, a tune by Louis Armstrong. Sitting quietly on the other end of the piano stool was Cuddly, clutching a big yellow duster. The big gorilla and watching the Probeckers fingers as if mesmerised by the music. Joe laughed. I'll be a monkey uncle.

We had run all round town and Cuddly was only four hundred yards from the zoo all the time, Probecker turned his head on hearing our voices but did not stop playing.

" Is this your gorilla." said the Probecker

" Sort of." said Joe. " It's from the zoo."

" I thought it might be." said the Probecker.

" We've been running all round town looking for him." I said.

" I hope you've come to take him back now my arms are beginning to ache with all this playing." said the Probecker.

" What's the problem." said Joe.

" The great big oaf won't let me stop." said the Probecker." As soon as I stop he starts fiddling with things and trying to dust everything in the shop which creates havoc."


page 5 Back to top

Probecker stopped playing and stretched his arms in the air. Cuddly immediately started dusting the piano. I will bet he has got the cleanest cage in the zoo said Probecker, he also got good taste in music. The Probecker ask us where the gorilla had come from. We told him about the old entertainer, how the old chap died and how Mr Pepperday had taken the gorilla in.

The Probecker scratched his head and ask if by any chance the old entertainer had an blue coloured van with Mozerallo and Bix written on it. It was a strange question and I ask him had he ever met Mozerallo and Bix, because there was a van but no one could trace this Mr Bix, as there was no one else living in the house, where Bix went to nobody knows. Probecker laughed, we may not know, but he knew.

I ask him to explain what he was talking about. The Probecker looked up at the gorilla, that's why you like jazz old fellow and good jazz at that, thought you looked a smidgen familiar.

" You know Cuddly." I said rather amazed.

" Cuddly?." said Probecker.

" The gorilla." I said.

" On yes. We met on the music halls a long time ago now, he was part of Mozerallos act, they played jazz." said Probecker. " His names not Cuddly, he is Bix, after the famous jazz player."

" Bix." said Joe.

The gorilla looked up from his polishing.

It suddenly struck Joe why Cuddly had kept wanting to get out, he could hear Probecker playing and could remember the old times, he must have thought it was his old partner. I looked at Joe making the comment that you could knock me down with a feather duster, I had to retract the statement quickly as Cuddly looked at me and held up his duster. Well Cuddly is full of surprises commented Joe then suggested that we had better get him back to the zoo before Mr Pepperday started getting suspicious. Joe pulled a banana from his pocket and ask Cuddly or should I say Bix if he wanted a banana.

Cuddly looked at the banana Joe was holding with a look that seemed to say you must be joking. Cuddly then climbed on top of the piano, it looked like we had got a problem. The Probecker thought that he probably did not like the prospect of going back to an empty cage. I pointed out that Cuddly had got more furniture in his cage than I had got in my flat.

" I don't think I'd leave a piano for a banana." said the Probecker.

" Yes." I said. " But you can play it."

" Has he got anything to play." said the Probecker. I looked at him as if he had flipped his lid.

" What do you mean cards or something." I said.

" No a musical instrument." said the Probecker.

" You're kidding." said Joe.

" You happen to be looking at one very talented gorilla." said the Probecker. " Lets see what we have got."

The Probecker rummaged around in the back of the shop for a while. It has to be a special type he muttered to himself, he found what he was looking for and returned carrying a small harmonium. " Only four button at each end." he said smiling at us and waving the harmonium.

On seeing the harmonium Cuddly came down from the top of the piano and sat in front of Probecker with his hands outstretched. Probecker gave him the harmonium. Very gently the big gorilla pushed it in and out trying all the buttons, then played what could have passed for a tune.

" I don't believe." said Joe.

" He can have that." said Probecker.

" Won't he break it." I said.

" Not if he's the Bix I know and I doubt if there is more than one gorilla in the world that likes jazz and can play the harmonium." said the Probecker.

Cuddly stopped playing and gave the harmonium back to the Probecker, then took the banana from Joe peeled it and ate it. We decided we had better take advantage of this short intermission to get him back to the zoo, Probecker gave Joe the harmonium.

Joe took another banana out of his pocket and made towards the door, Cuddly followed. Outside the shop Cuddly put a big hand round Joes arm, I took Cuddlys other hand and we led him back to the zoo.


page 6 Back to top

Cuddly, or Bix as he was now called, kept the harmonium for many years. When the harmonium finally stopped working the local newspaper reported that the instrument was broken and the gorilla was very unhappy. This prompted several harmoniums to be donated to the zoo for Cuddlys use.

The Probecker came to play at the zoo occasionally in the summer, much to the delight of Cuddly, I mean Bix, who was allowed out to accompany him. They played on the lawn in front of the tea shop, it was one of the most popular attractions the zoo ever had.


END


Home Page STORY INDEX Top of this page
Open Reading Project ŠTony on the Moon