Joe was looking down his nose at a large green frog, who, as it so happens, was looking up its nose at Joe.

" What a stupid little animal." said Joe, having been staring at the frog for a good five minutes.

It occurred to me that the frog was probably thinking the very same thing. I ask Joe if he was going to stand there all day there are better things to do than stare at frogs all morning. Joe followed me down the path towards the monkey house.

" I do hope that frog doesn't think he's won." muttered Joe.

The Cow and Blanket is very old almost medieval and is situated slap bang in the middle of the zoo. It had been there long before the zoo, had survived two world wars, a proposed bypass extension and a proposal to turn it into a fast food restaurant. It survival might have been due to the fact that it served the best home made beer this side of the penguin pool, in iceland.

It was such a lovely day we decided to have lunch at one of the outside tables over looking the monkey cages.

Joe declared that we ought to come to the zoo more often as he delicately nibbled at one of his sandwiches. I told him that was bright coming from he who always protested when ever I suggested it. But not alot protested Joe.

I knew why hs did not like to come he did not like animals in cages or rather he did not like little animals in cages, because basically you can never find them and spend ages looking at seemingly empty cages trying to spot the Burmese Pygmy shrew or something.

A large grey gibbon pushed its long arm through the bars of the cage near where we were sitting and pointed at Joe. Joe threw some peanuts into the cage. The gibbon retreated into the cage, searched round and picked all the peanuts, then it the returned to where Joe was and threw them back at him.

The Elephant was nice it stretched out its trunk and blew at us. I do not particularly like being blown at by elephants. Fortunately the polar bear ignored us completely and went for a swim. I like the polar bear.

I also like the penguins, they had just been fed and were wandering about looking as if they had answered all the questions correctly on a quiz show. Penguins fall in a category between being big and small so Joe was not sure if he liked them or not. In the end he decided he did. Everyone likes penguins.

We decided it was thirsty work looking at animals so returned to The Cow and Blanket, the gibbon was still putting his arm through the bars and pointing at people. Joe said he was not falling for that one again. Joe decided to get some cream cakes wandering off to the little shop while I went to get a couple of pints. We sat down at one of the wooden tables outside the pub overlooking the flamingo pond. Joe had just taken a big bite of out of one of the largest cream buns when Patsy arrived.

" Hello you two." said Patsy. " I thought I'd find you here."

I assured her we had only just sat down and invited her to come and join us. Joe said that we knew we were here but what was she doing here, he said this mostly through a mouth full of cream bun. We were supprised to see Patsy because we she had told us she was going to the horse show and nothing as we knew to our cost, gets between Patsy and a horse show.

Patsy explained with a venomous tone that Aert decided to take his motorcycle apart last night, the night before he was going to take her the horse show at Upoverly.

" Have a cream cake." I said to change the subject. I offered Patsy one of Joes cream cakes.

Blow by blow accounts of the battles between Patsy and Aert are to be avoided if at all possible, stopping Patsy however is not that simple and certainaly not as simple giving her a cream cake. She went on to say she did not know why she bothered with him, as he knows very well he can not put that thing back together again first time.

It might have been my imagination but I thought I saw small amounts of steam coming out of Patsy's ears. I tried again with the old have a cream cake ploy trying and avoid the full details of the fight with Abert. To my surprise Patsy ask if there were any cakes to spare. I said that Joe always buys to many cakes.

Joe was puzzled the Abert thing still did not explain why Patsy was at the zoo.

It seems Patsy had met Spotty in town, he was doing something inside the bonnet of his car, he ask her if she had nothing to do could she find us and say that he would be a bit late.

I explained to Patsy that in other words he would not be coming.

Patsy looked puzzled repeating that he only said he would be late, he had just got to fix something in the engine.

Spottys car however does not allow just late, it is not so much a means of transport, as a mobile AA training centre. He only keeps it because he thinks it gives him a dashing man about town image. Which it might have done if he wasn't always covered in oil and grease.

A shower of peanuts came skidding across the table indicating that someone else had fallen for the gibbons little game. Some distance away a camel was looking at me thorough one eye. I decided to look back at it though one eye but when I closed an eye the other one went all blurred. I wonder if camels ever need glasses.

For some reason the chat got around to boating and Joe decided to show Patsy how good he was at rowing. So we all took a boat out on the lake.

Its amazing how difficult it is to row a boat with one oar. It is also strange how the oar you dropped in the water always stays three feet away from the boat no matter how small the circles you try to row with the remaining oar. If someone had not come along to pick it up we would probably be still going round in circles.

Patsy and I were in the back of the boat. Joe was facing us and was beginning to make a reasonable show of rowing as we reached the middle of the lake. Joes eyes suddenly fixed in strange stare.

" What's up." I ask.

" There's a crocodile." said Joe looking past us into the empty stretch of water behind the boat.

" What are you talking about." I said.

" There's a crocodile in the water behind us." said Joe.

" Rubbish." I said.

" I'm not joking." said Joe pulling with a new sense of urgency on the oars.

" Don't be daft." I said turning round to look in the direction Joe was staring. " This is a boating lake not the Zambezi."

Patsy turned to look half laughing at Joes obvious little joke. "Eeeeeek." she screamed almost falling out and making the boat rock alarmingly. I grabbed her arm and steadied her, she grabbed me around the waist and hung on. All we could see was a 'V' shaped ripple moving across the surface of the calm water behind us.

" Its probably only a rat." I said.

If it had not broken the surface I might have believed that myself. However not many rats have huge noses and eyes twelve inches apart.

" Its a crocodile." said Joe.

I must give Joe credit he did not panic, he just kept pulling steadily towards the jetty. It was obvious however that our speed toward the jetty and the crocodiles speed toward us were not the same.

" Its gaining on us." said Patsy and grabbed me even tighter.

I suggested to Joe he should stop rowing. Joe stopped rowing and the crocodile slowed down stopping a few feet away from us. It seems the crocodile was attracted by the splashing of the oars, however we could not just sit there.

The crocodile lay in the water eyeing us, probably wondering how many mouthfuls we would make. If noise was attracting it we could not shout. I ask if anybody had any ideas. Joe reached down into the bottom of the boat and picked up the bag of cream buns. Patsy did not think this is really the time for cream buns.

Joe however did not eat the bun he picked one out of the bag took aim and threw it at the crocodile. Patsy gave a shriek and clung onto me even tighter as the bun hit the crocodile squarely on the nose. I think we both had the same vision of it leaping out of the water towards us and taking a huge bite out of the side of the boat.

Thankfully however it did not, it simply blinked at us and slid silently backward under the water. Our last sight of it was a blob of fresh cream on the end of its nose as it slowly sink below the murky waters of the boating lake.

With renewed urgency Joe rowed towards the jetty, on arriving we were all out of the boat as if it was on fire.

" We've just seen a crocodile out there." said Joe to the attendant who as tying up the boat.

I was about to back up Joes story confirming that we did see something out there, in fact I think I would have been happier with the zoo and life in general had I needed to. What I had not expected was the simple statement from the attendant who just said, rather quietly in the circumstances, Bloody hell so that's where it went.

The attendant then ran off and disappeared into his little hut, leaving me, Joe and Patsy standing rather amazed and not knowing quite what to do.

Within minutes the boating lake cleared and we stood on the side we watching as several men in motor boats with large nets circled round and round on the lake looking for the crocodile.

" I said there was a crocodile." said Joe.

" I'm still only half inclined to believe you." I said. " I smacks too much of one of your little jokes."

" Well that was a treat." said Patsy." I do like being taken out in a boat on crocodile infested waters."

Joe declared that it was not exactly his fault which Patsy had to agree with but did add that it was the sort of thing that alway seems to happens to him. Joe could not argue with that.

It was a nice evening, the sun was just setting over the railway station as we slowly walked Patsy home. As the shadows lengthened however I could not stop wondering what else we had not been told about. How many other animals had escaped from the zoo. What else was lurking around somewhere in the undergrowth ready to pounce. You just never know.