Joe had been under the impression that cricket was a small insect that hopped about in long grass. I had to be careful about expressions like silly mid on, as this started Joe laughing and caused the bicycle to wobble alarmingly about the road.

" Come on." said Joe walking out of the pavilion and swinging his cricket bat in a dangerous fashion around the top of his head. " Before it rains."

I walked slowly out of the pavilion trying to liook like a true cricketer, it was very bright outside after the smoke filled gloom of the pavilion, it was a lovely day. It was the kind of day you used to hear your grandfather saying you don't get any more, there was not a cloud in the sky and a skylark was singing overhead. I wandered slowly to the centre of the field and stood for a moment listening to the birds and savouring the moment of such a wonderful day.

There was a shout from someone near the other wicket asking if I had quite finished daydreaming as he would like to bowl a little bit. It was a very deep voice and quite broke my quiet meditation. What, who, where? I said suddenly realising there were other people about.

The bowler standing at the other wicket wittily suggested that as I had come out there with pads on holding a cricket bat he had assumed I just might be wanting to play a little cricket.

" Yes of course, ready when you are." I called gripped my bat in that very professional way you see great players use. I then tapped the end of my bat against the ground the way I had seen test cricketers do. I never did understand why they did that. I looked up ready to send the first ball for a six, or even perhaps a seven.

My mistake was looking up. At first I thought everyone was playing a joke on me and they had quietly pushed a steamroller up and parked it by the opposite wicket. Steamrollers however do not rub a cricket ball up and down on their trousers.

Blocking out half the sky at the other end was, well, King Kong in a white jumper, it was the biggest thing I ever seen not holding a banana. One thought suddenly started running around inside my head, that thing is going to throw a hard leather ball at me.

" Shouldn't one of us be at the other end? " said Joe.

The bowler marched off for several miles so he could get a good shot at me.

Fortunately his bowling was as bad as my batting and the whole thing settled down into a routine of bowler bowl, ball bounce, wicket keeper catch, wicket keeper throw to fielder, fielder throw to bowler, bowler march off into the distance again. In the middle of this little merry game of catch I stood taking a swipe a fresh air every now and again, under the illusion that I might just hit the ball.

All of a sudden everyone shouted 'OWZATT'.

This gave me quite a fright as I hadn't been expecting such an outburst of excitement.

It seemed that my bit in the game was over, funny game cricket I never did actually get to bat at school.

I sat in a deck chair outside the pavilion with a glass of beer beside me and my hat pulled over my eyes. This was more like cricket, I might even enjoy this bit, I thought.

Joe was now in the middle facing the steamroller Ted, it turned out that was the name of the bowler. His parents certainly did get it wrong, he should have been called Bonecrusher or something. He was their star player and best bowler in their side. I had Joes deckchair and pint of beer ready for him.

The bowler started his six mile run in, the ball shot out of the bowlers hand like a cannon ball, he had really warmed up now. Joe was standing like a wound up discus thrower and ran to meet the ball.

' KERPOW '

The ball disappeared over the pavilion and into the allotments next to the cricket ground.

A stunned silence fell over the crowed, all sixteen of them, a cheer went up from our side, we'd just made our first six runs. The samll crowed gave Joe a round of applause.

Steamroller Ted, stunned that anyone could make contact with one of his cannonball shots, stood open mouthed looking toward the allotments, where an increasing number of men in white were tramping up and down the rows of cabbages.

" Where did you learn to play like that? " said the captain.

Tea and cakes were flowing liberally in the pavilion after the days play was over, much to the delight of Joe, who was as usual making a pig of himself.

The Captain of the opposing team was asking Joe where he had learnt to play cricket like that. Joe between large mouthfuls of cake told him it was in his flat.

Our side had won the match mainly due to the hundred and thirty two runs obtained by mostly by Joe. Joe was the hero of the day.

The Captain of the opposing team ask Joe again where he had learnt to play cricket like that, thinking that Joe had not heard him right the first time and that this time he might get a reply that made some sense

As Joe was not listening I told the captain that he did learn to play cricket in his flat. I thought this would help confirm to captain the answer Joe had given but it did not.

I balanced a plate of cakes on Joes head and told him to stand still while I had a sip of my tea, it was very crowded in the pavilion and we were all squashed together.

The captain of the opposing team who was still pressed up against us declared that you cannot learn cricket in a flat, he was still expecting a sensible answer from Joe. He said you have to learn cricket on a cricket field, in the nets of something.

Joe looked him straight in the face and told him that he had never played cricket before. The captain who had just started to eat a small flaky pastry thing with salad in it started choking.

" But you said." said the Captain.

" We were roped in last night." I told him." Sid and Andy our openers suddenly got a stomach bug, we just happened to be in the buss station when Harold found out. That's why none of the kit fits properly."

" But your batting, you hit our ace bowler all over the county." said the Captain.

" Ah batting yes." said Joe.

" You learnt batting? " said the Captain.

" In my flat." said Joe.

" Come on stop kidding I can keep it quiet you play for England or something." said the Captain thinking Joe was hiding something.

" I've only ever used a cricket bat in my flat." said Joe." For swatting flys."

" Swatting flys." said the Captain, he looked a little stunned then went a little pale.

" They're big flys." said Joe.

The Captain sort of slunk away into the crowed with a dazed expression on his face and he kept muttering to himself " Swatting flys."

I think he went to join Steamroller Ted to get some sympathy.

Joe was over indulging in glory and big sticky cakes so I thought we had better do something about getting ready to go as we had a long way to cycle home.

" Err hum." I coughed." Perhaps a toast? "

Tea cups were rapidly exchanged for some of the numerous glasses of wine that had been patiently sitting on a side table. To the losing team! I lifted my glass and we all had a good swig of the somewhat unidentifiable wine.

To the winning team! shouted the captain of the opposing side. Another swig, to our champion batsman! said our captain.

Bottles began to be passed around to replenish emptying glasses as toasts continued. To the umpire! someone called. Swig. To the North Grimbly Gasworks Band. Swig. They aren't here this week! someone commented, They were here last week was the retort, O K cheers. Swig.

To the Thergerton Womens knitting club!

They were still toasting anything they could think of when I decided it was time to go, so me and Joe crept out through back door near the showers. It was there we found the captain of the opposing team slumped in a corner with steamroller Ted, they had a dazed expression on there faces and several empty bottles scattered around. Steamroller Ted was muttering over and over to himself " swatting flys, swatting flys....".

I was quite an uneventful ride home in the twilight, except for a group of boy scouts who should not have been standing in the middle of the road anyway.

" That was quite an enjoyable day." said Joe as we put the bicycle away in the garage.

" I agree." I said.

" Do you think they will ask us to play again? " said Joe.

" I was surprised they asked us this time." I said.

" But I got a good score." said Joe.

" Beginners luck." I said.

" I think you're right." said Joe.

The sun was just disappearing over the town hall clock toward the gas works.

It had been a lovely day.